This is just a collection of my favorite quotes...enjoy. And don't forget to check out my movie quotes here.

"As long as humans can make the distinction between reality and fantasy, we're gonna be fine. If you don't want your kid exposed to it - don't get it for him. It's that simple. I think it's funny in this country that we get freaked out about sex, but violence is ok. You can cut off a breast - you just can't kiss it." - Bruce Campbell

"If you take small slices of strawberries and put them over a turd, it's still going to smell like a turd." - Holly

"There are some who call me...TENDER VITTLES!" - Holly

"I have a feeling this is going to be one big ball of suck" - Holly

"Long hair + leather pants + nice voice = nut casserole" - Holly

"It'd be fun..then we can pay for strippers and throw jello jigglers at them and bake cookies and run around in high heels and smack each other on the ass and play hide and go seek and play truth or dare and do each others hair and go to prom and shoot everyone and then watch wheel of fortune and get drunk and wake up and play barbies and slather maple syrup all over our bodies and run at the walls and see if we stick." - Holly

"It's so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"I will never say the things that I want to say to you. I know the damage it would do. I love you more than I hate my loneliness and pain." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"I must tell you that I was always afraid of the fury with which I loved you. It overwhelmed me. I thought it beyond comprehension, therefore my silence." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"To me you are more than a woman. You are a creature of beauty, a creation of a higher order. I will die knowing that no one will ever love you as I have loved you all these years. I will now attempt to say your name with my last breath." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"I'm not homophobic. I'm just as interested in your sex life as I'm interested in staring at a bucket of dirt for thirty years. I'm falling asleep already. I bet it makes you mad that you're all the same to me. Straight. Gay. Bi. You'll all the same. Boring. Nineteen piercings in your cock? Like to get tied up and beaten by some woman in black leather? Zzzzzzzzzz." - from Solipsist by Henry Rollins

"I want to meet a woman that will make me stop and listen to what she has to say. I want a woman who will make my jaw drop in awe. A woman that has little time for me. One who does not throw herself at me. One who respects herself who has a sense of herself. Where is she?" - from Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

"If there was a god, he wouldn't let a guy walk right up and shoot you in the face now would he? That's right, now you get the picture. Truth burns doesn't it?" - from Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

"He was my hero so I watched him closely. Yeah, he said all the things that I wish I had said. The things I wished I had the guts to say. I knew it was all the truth, but damn. I couldn't just come out and say it like he did." - from Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

"When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to surprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you ever met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them. Where you couldn't express yourself enough - like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That's it - you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you've smashed yourself to bits on the rocks." - from Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

"Something's going on in there..the gears are turning..I think he's going to eat babies and make green jello and put celery in it..you can just see it in his eyes" - Holly

"That's all I am to you?!?! entertainment?!?! huh!!! WE'LL SEE WHO USES MY JUMBO ANAL BEADS!!! WON'T BE YOU BUDDY!! NO MORE *pop pop pop* FOR YOU! YEAH!" - Holly

"If you're going to suck in life, for gods sake, suck long and hard." - Holly

"We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. Cause what matters is..If you beleive in the sanctity of life, then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children..They're killing children...how many children were at Waco?..They're killing children"..What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up." - Bill Hicks

"Cause you know, if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards, they sound better. "Oh come on, Bill, they're the New Kids, don't pick on them, they're so good and they're so clean cut and they're such a good image for the children." Fuck that. When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking rocked. I don't care if they died in puddles of their own vomit. I want someone who plays from his fucking heart." - Bill Hicks

"I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, "Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin' for?" Is that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for. Well, godammit, you stumped me. Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress." - Bill Hicks

"Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thought, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thought. Hmm. Sounds like...every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, maybe that's the connection they're trying to make. What? You've all seen that Busch beer commercial, where the girl in the short hot pants opens the beer bottle on her belt buckle, leaves it there, and it foams over her hand and over the bottle and the voice over goes, "Get yourself a BUSCH." Hmm. You know what that looks like, nah, no way. " - Bill Hicks

"I do actually believe in love. I can't say that I'm 100 percent successful in that department, but I think it's one of the few worthwhile human experiences. It's cooler than anything I can think of right now." - Trent Reznor

"There are just some things that don't seem very fair in the world, like this fucking hypocrisy of organized religion. I just don't understand how people can blindly believe a bunch of the shit they're fed, to believe it so that they don't think too hard about other issues. 'Be a good boy and you'll go to heaven.' If it works for you, fine, but it doesn't work for me and that pisses me off because I kind of wish it did." - Trent Reznor

"There's an infinite amount of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"I think we were probably not very well suited, we never seemed to be happy doing the same things. We always had the greatest arguments over sex and fishing. Eventually we tried to combine the two, but that only led to disaster, as you can probably imagine." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"I had a dream i was eating a big marshmallow...and then i woke up and my pillow was gone!" - Larry M.

"All I know is how to say hello and bend over..so, I could visit anytime and be fine" - Holly, speaking of Germany

"All we can hope for is a little happiness with small circle of friends with a couple people we love - and the rest of the world be damned." - From the book 'Twilight Eyes' by Dean Koontz

"Anyways..back to that monkey..once you take it's eyeballs out..you can hide shit in there..change, rice a roni *the san francisco treat..dingding*..after awhile..it starts to smell though..ahh well, I named that dead monkey head dr. strangeballies...everyone approved" -Holly

"Have you ever bitten the inside of your mouth on accident..then just keep chewing on it?" -Holly

"Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them. If you hate someone, hate them until it hurts." -Henry Rollins

"You can get away with a lot of shit if it looks like that's all you know how to do." -Henry Rollins

"Half of life is fucking up - the other half is dealing with it." -Henry Rollins

"I can't talk to anyone. I'm the only one here. Alone in my head. I have no one to talk to and I know that's for the best somehow. When I'm by myself, I know that I'm in the right place because as long as I'm alone, I'm not making a damn fool out of myself. I could kick myself for all the times I thought I could ever.....Fuck it, I'm all alone." -Henry Rollins

"This sort of behavior is left to the psychotic, dogmatic, fundamentalist believers you see on T.V. everyday letting off bombs and killing people in the name of God. Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functioning mind is clinically dead. Believe in nothing." -Tool

"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" -Bill Hicks

"Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... paranoid? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law?" -Bill Hicks

"I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight, guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage." -Bill Hicks

"Such a weird belief. Lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a fucking cross, man?" -Bill Hicks

"I dunno how much AIDS scares y'all, but I got a theory - the day they come out with a cure for AIDS. Guaranteed one-shot cure. On that day, there's gonna be fucking in the streets, man." -Bill Hicks

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Music and women I cannot but give way to, whatever my business is." -Samuel Pepys

"Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you" -KMFDM

"Let's stop praying for someone to save us and start saving ourselves" -KMFDM

"Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill."

"If you can't beat em', arrange to have them beaten."

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer." -Swami X

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -Matt Groening

"The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened." -from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible" -George W. Foote

"Question with boldness even the existance of a god; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear" -Thomas Jefferson

"The fact that mankind has the capablity to discern logic from myth, and the fact that religon asks us to ignore this ability and accept faith is one of the many contradictions that make any faith-based orgaizations simply ludicrous." -Vic Sinclair

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -Stephen Roberts

"For god so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever would believe in him would believe in anything."

"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler is that God is more proficient at genocide."

"Losing your faith is a lot like losing your virginity you don't realise how irritating it was 'til it's gone"

"Power corrupts;
Absolute power corrupts absolutely;
God is all-powerful.
Draw your own conclusions"

"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered.
Religion is answers that may never be questioned."

"On the sixth day God created man
On the seventh day, man returned the favor."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish"

"Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?"

"God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom."

"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." -Napoleon Bonaparte

"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." -Gene Roddenberry

"There once was a time when all people beleived in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages." -Richard Lederer

"To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy." -David Brooks

"The sailor does not pray for wind, he learns to sail" -Gustaf Lindborg

"If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses" -Lenny Bruce

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense." -Chapman Cohen

"The notion that faith in Christ is to be rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason, observation, and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for refutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity and ignorance called 'faith.'" -Robert G. Ingersoll

"It is sad that while science moves ahead in exciting new areas of research, fine-tuning our knowledge of how life originated and evolved, creationists remain mired in medieval debates about angels on the head of a pin and animals in the belly of an Ark." -Michael Shermer

"Jesus' last words on the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" hardly seem like the words of a man who planned it that way. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure there is something wrong here." -"Rev." Donald Morgan

"Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night." -Isaac Asimov

"If you love god, burn a church" -Jello Biafra

"Whenever I think of how religion started, I picture some frustrated old man making out a list of all the ways he could gain power, until he finally came up with the great solution of constant fear and guilt, then he leaped up and started planning a new wardrobe." -Steve Blake

"I refuse to be labeled immoral merely because I am godless." -Peter Walker

"I don't believe in God for the same reason I don't believe in Mother Goose." -Clarence Darrow

"Like all religions, the Holy Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both Logic and Faith. We have Faith that She is Pink; and we Logically know that She is Invisible, because we can't see Her. For many, faith is a suitable substitute for knowledge, as death is for a difficult life"

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." -James Thurber

"The atheist staring from his attic window is often nearer to God than the believerr caught up in his own false image of God." -Martin Buber

"An illusion shared by everyone becomes a reality." -Erich Fromm

"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. . . . A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill." -Henry Lewis "H.L." Mencken

"I am an atheist, out and out. It took me a long time to say it. I've been an atheist for years and years, but somehow I felt it was intellectually unrespectable to say that one is an atheist, because it assumed knowledge that one didn't have. Somehow it was better to say one was a humanist or agnostic. I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect that he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time." -Isaac Asimov

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." -Voltaire

"If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it." -William A. Orton

"Religion is not merely the opium of the masses, it's the cyanide." -Tom Robbins

"Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's blunders?" -Fredrich Nietzsche